Too Clingy

There are days when they begin amazing, go along great, and ends the most wrong and stupidly tragic way possible. I find those days to be absurd. It's comparable to a majestic monarch butterfly, gracefully fluttering it's newly-confident wings, only to have both ripped off by a bear in a mere second. In my case, the bear was named Truth. I didn't know what wrong I did, nor did I know the wrong I commited was the very same one I commited to another person a while ago, but it did occur to me that I was commiting something wrong against this person. She gave me blatant hints, which failed. People around her gave hints, and I remained oblivious. It wasn't until a fine day at the movies that I found out. The day was amazing, filled with movies, both gory and hilarious, and most importantly, it was filled with friends, laughing the day away. That night the truth hit, and it hurt as if something ripped my wings off. I was told I was too clingy. Always followed and always too nice. So clingy it became nuisance. And I was shocked. Not only was I told this before, but I was told that I became annoying because of it. I was very embarassed. I was shameful of my obliviousness. I was shameful for being clingy. And most of all, I was shameful for commiting a wrong and not even knowing it. I was hurt. It was days like this when all I could do was just shrug, cry, and just feel terrible. I could say that my clingyness stemmed from my shyness. I had always longed for a best friend, a person that I would be friends with no matter what. A person who wouldn't care if I was being clingy because, gosh darn it, they would understand that they would be clingy too if they were me. Every time I had such a person, they'd leave or move unexpectedly. And disappointment continued to take control. I liked having friends but no one ever was there for me. No one was ever my so-called best friend. No one liked being around me. Everyday, I hope that I will find someone that will like being around me and someone who won't judge me because I'm clingy or someone who won't deny friendship to me because I'm too nerdy. And everyday, I'd boil with envy for people who had a best friend because I longed for one for so long. Oh how I wanted one. I always found socializing to be too difficult for me to even try but you can only go so long alone until you need someone. And today I stand, empty without a best friend I can depend on. And what sucks the most is that I currently have no friends being a newbie and all. Sometimes, I wonder if hoping will do any good. But I always tear that thought up like an unfinished piece of binder paper. I already no the answer to that question. No.